Country night?

So few singers remaining, so much cruelty in my heart. And, sadly, I missed the first couple performance--especially disappointed that I missed Mandisa.

Here comes Elliott singing “If Tomorrow Never Comes”. My best man, Missy, loved this song, so I feel obligated to give this song a thumbs up. Elliott sang it well, it was a lovely arrangement even if a bit bland. Nice but not great.

The real question is what the hell was Paula blathering on about? Has she been hitting the pill bottles again?

Paris--my obvious favorite in the contest--is obviously out of her element tonight. She starts wobbly and a little uncomfortable. Singing “How Do I Live Without You”, one of the sappiest choices she could possibly make, she didn’t have a lot of opportunity to show off what makes her special. Not really that good--although, surprisingly, Simon enjoyed the performance.

She’s lucky that she has built up a store of good will that could carry her through this week.

I hate Ace. His overly-studied mannerisms, his heartful gazes, his irritating habit of singing in public.

Kenny Rogers thinks that people like Ace because he sings with his heart; Kenny Rogers is wrong. The chaturbate song was as boring a piece of song as you could imagine, not helped by the gratuitous falsetto at the end. Nasty little bit of singing there.

And then the g-phrase came over after a bad day at work and American Idol no longer mattered.

Which, from what I heard, was really for the best.

Academy Awards Notes

First, answering the question: why is David watching the Oscars? Still too damned tired from the trip to get up and start working, lazy enough that I don’t want to change the chanel, and, damn, that Nicole Kidman is hot.

Second, answering the question: will Jon Stewart suck? Well, let’s just say that it’s been a rough start, but that Bjork outfit/Cheney hunting incident joke actually made me guilty. I did, however, have the good sense to feel guilty.

So, Clooney wins the Best Supporting Actor and takes the moment to really cement the theme for the evening. Hollywood: Proudly out of touch with the rest of America. Clooney can be something approximating gracious, he can be funny, he’s talented, and he is certainly a good looking man. What he isn’t is subtle or nuanced concerning his political beliefs.

Much more enjoyable was Ben Stiller’s moment in a green screen suit, moving disturbingly across stage, in the “belief” that he was moving against a green screen and appeared to be a disembodied head to the people at home. Funny stuff from a guy who can sell a moment beautifully.

Oh, and then he gave out an award for something or other to somebody or other. Wasn’t very interested in that part.

Wow. Naomi Watts is strikingly beautiful. Her dress, though, was terrifying. Ugly in cut, color, and little, sewed on bits of mangled fabric.

Now, a third question for the night (with no answer in hand): does the crowd in Hollywood ("Proudly Out of Touch With the Rest of America") think, “Oh, isn’t that a quaint song? And, my, what large breasts,” when Dolly Parton comes out and sings about Jesus? Just curious.

Hilariously, the John Stewart Scientology joke may not have been greeted warmly by some members of the academy. I wonder if they’ll burn any theaters down, stab a few straggling actors, or riot in hopes that L. Ron Hubbard’s religion be handled more kindly in the future.

And then some stuff happened. Most of it best missed, even better forgotten.

Oh, and if you want to read funnier, famouser, and, probably, cuter people talking about the awards, check this out.

And then some more stuff happened.

jOh, and if you want to read a funnier, famouser, and, I’ve seen the pictures, slightly cuter guy talking about not talking about the awards, check this out.

So, the first time I’ve actually watched the award in some time, and I not only can’t get into the show, but I have no idea what’s going on. But Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell make it almost worth staying awake during the Best Make-Up award that goes as sort of a consolation prize to one of the actual, honest-to-God, popular movies of the year, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

And then some more Jon Stewart happened.

Michelle Williams deserved the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, by the way. Her performance in Brokeback Mountain was phenomenal--truly moving. Rachel Weisz, unfortunately, won the award for the “We Hate Big Pharma” movie, Constant Gardener. Weisz was good, though the jasminlive movie failed to move me, but she wasn’t as good as Williams. At least, she certainly wasn’t as believable.

And then some Lauren Bacall happened. And it was bad. Embarassingly, sadly bad as she stumbled and groped her way through an introduction to a short tribute to film noir. Which brings me to my non-Oscar moment for the moment: go see Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang when it comes out on DVD.

More Jon Stewart happened, more light politics happened, more masturbatory self-congratulations…

Then penguin flick won Best Documentary Feature, a deserved win for a movie about how much “God hate’s penguins.” That, unfortunately, gave ‘way to J Lo talking about Crash. Irritating.

And then some music happened.

And then some Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves happened.

As more time and more presentations go by, there is really only one thing to say about this year’s Academy Awards: damn, this show sucks. It is boring, filled with pasted on glitz, and utterly removed from “glamorous.” Certainly, there are beautiful people wearing clothes enough finery to fund the entire New Orleans re-building effort. Yet, while wallowing in their wealth and fame, they preach, sneer, and condescend, so sure they are that they are better than us. So sure that they are more intelligent, more moral creatures with the right answers to the world’s complex problems.

Fame is a religion and its greatest adherents worship themselves powerfully.

From Patrick (in the comments):

Have you noticed the number of times they have claimed that you just can’t experience a movie the same way at home on DVD? Nervous much?

Indeed and stuff.

On a positive note, Lily Tomlin is still hilarious, still sharp, and still wonderful.

“It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” was, by contrast, the worst musical performance of the night. Not that the others were spectacular, mind, just that this one was a little lower down the list. Which is, of course, why it won Best Original Song. At least the incoherent acceptance speach was a passionately and honestly happy thing without the normal trappings of Hollywood elitism.

And then Jennifer Garner’s boobies happened.

Wow. I mean, definitely the high point of the evening for me. Wow. Jennifer Garner’s boobies deserve an award of their own.

Okay, enough of that…

Although, I can’t help but note that it’s a serious downer to have George Clooney come back out and then talk about the year’s deceased, some of whom had passed without my notice.

Luckily, shortly after, the director of Tsotsi enlivened things again. Another wonderful, heartfelt--if overly short--speech.

For Best Actor, I was pulling for Heath Ledger since his was the best performance I personally saw this year. Having not seen Philip Seymour Hoffman’s turn in Capote, I’m not willing to comment on how deserving he was of the win. I will say, though, that he has been consistently exceptional throughout his career--so good for him.

Yeah, so John Travolta. Used to have a career, right? Then he didn’t, then he did, then he didn’t…

Shut up, Reese.

Ang Lee’s win for Brokeback was, I believe, well-deserved. In many ways, this was a political win, I’m sure; still, his direction and artistic vision was well worth note.

The end.

Oh, damn. Stevie Wonder

I just called to say shut the hell up and shove that ebony and ivory right up your Ma Cheri Amour. If you take my meaning.

Ace sings “Do I Do” while Stevie battles blindness and live. Which is nice or just sort of awkward. Whichever. It’s a mediocre performance of a perfectly putrid song. It delves a little too deeply into the “I can sound like Stevie” well.

Randy is unimpressed. Paula is an idiot. Simon makes mean sounds.

So, yeah, I understand why other people like Stevie Wonder’s music. I’m just not one of them. In fact, my bias against these songs is so strong that I’m pretty sure I won’t be particularly objective about these Jasmine live performances.

Just so you know.

Does it occur to anyone that Kellie Pickler, that naughty little minx, isn’t very bright? Singing “Blame it on the Sun”, she almost managed to sound good. Not quite, though. She goes flat a few times, sounds tentative, and looks gorgeous. Not that her looking gorgeous will make Wonder any happier with the singing of the song.

Since he’s blind, you see.

Randy is underwhelmed. Paula agrees with Randy about the song and with me about the gorgeousness. Simon agrees with Randy on the song and disagrees about the gorgeousness.

Poor little minx.

Then we get Elliott--to be known henceforth as the “crier"--singing “Knock Me Off My Feet.” Starting the thing seated was an error; his problem playing to both the crowd and the camera while seated was almost comical. He does, though, sound better than the others. I wonder why he was so tentative throughout, though.

Randy is polite, although not completely impressed. Paula just strokes a little Elliott ego. Simon goes the Randy route.

Mandrisa. I love this woman and her laugh. Her performance of “Don’t You Worry About the Thing” started rough, but really hit me when she attacked the big notes. Very nicely done. Maybe not quite, as Randy notes, “amazing,” but very good. Paula and Simon both agree that it was the best so far.

The thought of Bucky singing “Superstitious” is pretty funny, to tell the truth. It just doesn’t fit him or his style. Amazingly, he actually has the voice and the attitude to carry it off, makes only a few mistakes, and makes up for it by injecting just a taste of southern rock personality. I enjoyed it.

Rand didn’t like the vocals but enjoyed the performance. Paula was polite. Simon actually liked the song, but took the opportunity to brutalize Bucky’s hair.

“Lately” as interpreted by Melissa McGhee is a gift to insomniacs (somewhat like my writing style). Boring even through its impressive awfulness. On top of inept, she forgot the lyrics. Ouch.

Randy is nicer than I am. Paula is nicer than Melissa deserves. Simon is even nicer.

Shocking. What were they watching?

Lisa Tucker is boring in another way entirely. She sounds good enough in a bland and typical way. I didn’t get any connection or emotion, though, and she hit a really nasty note in the middle. Whish is why it’s so surprising that Randy says such nice things, Paula said even nicer things, and Simon really seemed to love it.

Kevin. I’m not even bothering with this bit except to note that a whiny twelve-year-old singing “Part Time Lover” is strangely disturbing. Creepy even--especially when combined with his stiff stage presence.

Bizarre. Is he just here for comic relief?

Randy laughs and enjoyed it more than I did. Paula, too. Simon is perfectly cruel--and the little Muppet deserves the jibe.

I don’t like chirpy. I really don’t. Katharine is chirpy. Lucky for her, she sounded good enough to make me forget the pre-song interview. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t actually enjoy the song or her singing. I just think that, with the exception of some sharp moments toward the end, she did a bang up job of interpretation. Randy, Paula, and Simon all agree. A lot. Except they probably enjoyed the thing.

“Living for the City” was a good choice for Taylor Hicks. It fits his style and his voice, and his performance was a damned fine thing. Kind of the polar opposite of the Muppet boy. The only bad thing for him is that his vocals got a little lost behind the rest of the production. I actually enjoyed the performance and the song and Hicks’ smile after it was all done.

Either he has a lot of supporters in the crowd or the audience really loves this guy. Randy, Paula, and Simon are all in his corner, too. I think Paula was almost in tears.

Paris Bennett is my favorite on the show--a girl who I think could grow up to be a hell of an artist. She has the best voice in the contest, she can perform, and she has a unique spark that really sets her apart. She’s running right with Hicks for best of the evening; the crowd and the judges absolutely love her.

After all that, Chris rocks out in what has to be the most aggressive performance in the history of the show. It isn’t perfect, but it’s a nice change of pace for the show and it proves that there’s room for a little bit of individuality in the show. I was expecting a let down, but I got a really nice surprise.

Best of the night? Maybe not quite, but damned good.